Ali had Frazier. Superman had Lex Luthor. Hall had Oates. Now I can say that I have finally seen my arch-nemesis, and he is me. Or, more accurately, Past Me.
Working around my house over the weekend, I discovered that Past Me had screwed me once again, as I discovered the bricks that he dumped into an old decorative fish pond that had sprung a leak three years ago. “That’s someone else’s problem,” Past Me said. Turns out that someone else was me.
Whether it is not paying attention in College Algebra, not learning to play the drums, or buying a burrito with a credit card in 1994 that ended up costing me $100 in the long run, Past Me is always two steps ahead of me.
I’m not saying that he doesn’t occasionally do something nice, like leave $20 in a jacket pocket, but he is much more likely to forget to save an Excel spreadsheet or fall off the hood of a moving car two days before prom.
When it comes to fixing things around the house, he definitely subscribes to my Dad’s motto of “That’s close enough for government work.” He especially enjoys taking off light switch covers that require 2 screws and leaving 1 behind. (By the way, to the good folks at Cooper Light Switch Covers, your idea of what unbreakable is differs greatly from mine.)
As I have mentioned before, I am in the process of cleaning out my basement, and I have so far thrown out 6 trashcans full of Past Me’s crap. He seems to have been very fond of both plaid shirts and The Crash Test Dummies. He has also left plenty of pictures behind to remind that he is thinner than me and has more hair.
From everyone I talk to, it sounds like he was a nice enough guy. But if I ever run into him I am definitely going to give him a piece of my mind.
I sure hope that he filled my car up with gas last night.